A List Of Excuses

Some of you may not know this about me: I’m a list maker. I have a list for just about everything. And my lists aren’t simply linear; they have order and logic imbedded in their design. For instance, my grocery list has two columns: the left column is for dry goods; the right column is for fresh fruit, vegetables, cold foods and frozen foods.

I’m constantly reminding people in this family that Cheerios and apple juice belong in the left column. Ice cream and milk go in the right column. Is that so difficult to understand?

This week I started a list of things we needed for the move to the apartment we’ll be living in for a few months while they lift our home.  What started as a one page hand-written list soon became an excel spreadsheet with six tabs. Each tab is named for a room in our house and items we need from each of those rooms are listed on the appropriate pages. So you won’t find the toaster or the coffee pot listed on the tab named “Bathroom.” Get it?

My lists are my way of bringing order to the chaos in my universe. Whenever I’m faced with a stressful or demanding situation, I make a list. It calms me down. A logical, orderly, sorted list can silence the random chatter filling my head and force me to focus on one task at a time.

Now, I have been posting a blog here every Monday since January 12th. But this week, Sunday night rolled around and I had nothing. My mind was blank. All I could think about was which frying pan I should pack.  Should I bring the non-stick pan, the cast iron fryer, or the old stainless steel pan? Maybe I should bring the non-stick griddle as well. My mind was in chaos; confusion reigned.

By 10:00 PM, I became irritable and edgy. I wanted to go to sleep, but I was too wound up. I knew I needed something to calm me down, but I was too lazy to go downstairs to the liquor cabinet. How about a list? my inner voice whispered. So, here you have it.

Ten Excuses For Not Writing A Blog This Week

  1. The “Moving Out” list, with six tabs, took a lot of time.
  2. I made an apple pie.
  3. I did lots of laundry.
  4. I took my mother to the foot doctor.
  5. I took a long ride with my son to the discount liquor store.
  6. I packed some clothes.
  7. I spent an entire afternoon making appointments with rug cleaners, locksmiths, cleaning ladies, utility companies, Internet providers, changing our address with credit card companies, Netflix and newspaper delivery people, getting a P.O. box and signing the lease. I also cooked dinner that night.
  8. Saturday was my birthday! I was queen for a day with a martini in my hand. No writing.
  9. We sat in rocking chairs, chatting with my father-in-law, on the front porch of his assisted living facility.
  10. We went to my mom’s house for dinner Sunday night. Now who in their right mind would pass up mom’s macaroni and meatballs to stay home to write a blog that no one reads anyway?

That’s my list of excuses. I feel calmer now.

About Christine Vanderberg

Christine Vanderberg is a humorist who lives on the South Shore of Long Island. Visit me at my blogsite: christinevanderberg.com
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to A List Of Excuses

  1. vanderberg says:

    Now I know where my list writing impulse comes from. I do the same thing when stressed. Well done. And SOMEBODY reads your blog. Keep it up!



  2. Carmela Gandolfo says:

    Yes the list. It helps in budgeting too. You can stretch a dollar if you check off the list of things you don’t need. Now thats a good way to live your life. Keep going I love it.


  3. Eileen says:

    I wouldn’t miss your blogs for anything !!!
    Another aspect of life to those of us who can relate to the realities of life and living from one who can put the challenges into a great story. Another winner!


  4. candidkay says:

    I was hoping to see, “I am just too damn tired” on this list. Would have given me an out this week:). Misery loves company!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s