MEAT STINK! An Illustrated Tale

My mother had a dentist appointment last Monday at 3:30 PM. It was going to be a long one and I wouldn’t be getting home until about 5:30. I had the day off, so I decided to prepare the potatoes ahead of time. I was trying a new recipe: Potato, Black Olive and Tomato Torta.

picture 1

Without a working stovetop exhaust fan, the apartment was soon filled with the rich aroma of garlic, tomatoes and thyme. And so was every pore of my skin, hair and clothing.  When I walked outdoors, the contrast of the fresh air against my coat made the aroma even more pungent.

I cracked the window open in the car, hoping it would blow the garlic stink out of my hair.  It didn’t. “This car smells… like food,” my mother said, when I picked her up for her dentist appointment.  “Do you have food in the car?”

picture 2

“No, it’s me.  I smell like a Potato, Black Olive and Tomato Torta. I was trying to get a head start on dinner.”

“I like to do that, too,” she said.

I got home at 5:30, and was glad I had started the dinner earlier.  All I had to do now was heat up the Potato, Black Olive and Tomato Torta in the oven and fry the skirt steak on my stove top.

picture 3

“Mmmm!  Smells great!” my husband said, as he walked in the door that night. “I could smell that meat as I came up the stairs.”

After dinner, my husband went to the gym for about an hour, and when he got back he wrinkled his nose and said,  picture 4 “Maybe you should light some candles; this place smells like meat.”

So I did.

picture 5

But that only made the air smell like lemon-beef scented candles. When we went up to bed that night, the bed covers, my nightgown and pillow smelled like meat.

picture 6

The next morning…

picture 7

…it still smelled like meat!  So I sprayed the apartment with an orange scented room deodorizer that has been known to get rid of some pretty nasty bathroom odors.

picture 8

 

And then, if you haven’t guessed by now, …I created the aroma of Chinese Orange Beef.

I couldn’t stand the smell anymore, so I threw my smelly beef clothes in the hamper

picture 8-A

and took a shower.  I scrubbed my hair and body twice, to be sure I got every stinky bit of garlic, tomato, black olive and beef out of my pores.

picture 9

Then I reached for a clean towel to dry myself off.  As I stretched up to dry my face and hair, I smelled it – – MEAT STINK on the clean towel!

picture 10

What to do?  What could I do? I thought about opening the windows, but decided against that.  The crazy squirrels might smell the meat and think I was inviting them in for a treat.

I got dressed in some clean clothes that only had a slightly beefy smell. Then I found a little piece of leftover skirt steak in the refrigerator.  So  I fried it up with a scrambled egg and ate it for breakfast.   Yum!picture 11

 

 

About Christine Vanderberg

Christine Vanderberg is a humorist who lives on the South Shore of Long Island. Visit me at my blogsite: christinevanderberg.com
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2 Responses to MEAT STINK! An Illustrated Tale

  1. vanderberg says:

    Hilarious!!! The drawings are priceless. Scandalous! I love this one.

    >

    Like

  2. Eileen says:

    We have all had that experience at one time! I liked your use of cartoons. Why don’t you create a cartoon strip for your stories. Would have to really tighten up the dialogue. Maybe a marketing change for newspapers. Good luck!

    Like

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